This little girl needs some down time and a rest . It’s
been a really busy week with many new challenges.
I have started a job.
BIG, huge for me.
I have not worked a “ a real job” in over twenty years.
I have never done anything that involves computers,
inputting facts into them, getting information from
people, remembering stuff (a lot of stuff!) all while
standing in the public eye with people waiting in a line
waiting for me to do just that with fingers tapping and eyes rolling.
I have been in training the last three weeks and it has worn me
out a lot more than I thought it would. It is not coming easy.
I just don’t remember things very well (unless its a song,
or where did I buy that, what did I pay for it, that restaurant was good and
what did I have to
eat) you know, the important stuff..anyhow
it has been eye opening for me and very
tiring. I want to succeed but am not certain I will. It is
putting me in a place of doubt, fear and most of all
feeling less than. I was so hopeful and happy to have been
hired at all and now I feel like there might be something wrong with me
and my capacity to learn. My mentor has said
that everyone else is flying though this training and have already
begun working...and then there’s me... But on a good note, she
said she wants me to work there because I’m good with people
and dealing with the public. But panic easily sets in and the hot
flashes come on when there’s stress and I’m standing there in my
little suit jacket with sweat running down me and the intense
urge to run to the safety of my house.
Whatever the outcome, I know this has
been a leap of faith for me and certainly stepping outside my cozy
comfort zone. And that in itself is a good thing.